A Nocturnal Reverie

Saturday, March 31, 200711:59 PM♥

ROAR!EXAMS ARE ALL OVER. Econs is less than "do-able".
That's all for today.

Friday, March 30, 20077:20 PM♥

It's almost like a hell week. And thanks to the same old person who tried to make it four times worser. Ok maybe not, its 100 times. Cant help but to agree with samm.
LIVING IN SELF DENIAL. That's him.
STOP! arrowing me for your future. All i know is, there's still a turning back.
Not for us, but for yourself. See, u never did change for the better.
But that's not the point now.
There's no longer a point.

HOLIDAY starts tml at 1130am. Date me out if your's are like mine.

Saturday: Movie in the aftrnoon, towards the evening having meeting, night birthday party.
Sunday: Having a planning meeting.
Monday: Tentatively nothing on.
Tuesday: Meeting.
Wednesday: Working 10-8 or 11-9.
Thursday: Working 12-10.
Friday: Working 10-8 or 11-9.
Saturday and Sunday: NOTHING ON.

For privacy, dont ask me where im working.

In the end, it doesnt seem like a holiday week but any other schooling week..
Im left with the weekends. :( and yes, ONLY ONE WEEK OF HOLIDAY.
SHIT that.
Btw, i received my next semester's time table on Monday. F&B semester. School can stretch from 830am-8pm. Tell me, is this humanly possible? And i saw 2 very BIG slots for project work. It's gon' start ALL OVER AGAIN. In 3 mths time, 6 subjects, 6 proj, 6 tests, 6 exams ( For the totally new subjects). Sorry, for this coming sem, its 7. They enjoy giving, but we dont seem to be getting back our previous and previous previous semester's result. And for some reasons, they always say," Havent mark finish". O levels dont even take this long. argh. NO WONDER, this is a private school.

side track.
i want to watch :

300
Pursuit of happiness
Parent's trap
A walk to remember
Vertical limit
3 out of 5 are super long ago ones...
Labels: CRAZY school.

Wednesday, March 28, 200712:52 AM♥

Not some kind of a tournament but they decided to have something similar for everyone. AND mr lim jialat acted as though he was the manager of the club, presenting the shirt to us. By the way, this happened the day before they left for Bintan.

"Manager".

established 08.03.06.

Mine. Too big for me but they claimed that this is the smallest.

OK, dedicating this to mr lim jialat.

He warped our faces and set up as caller id display. Just like the above.
Now its time for sweet sweet revenge. :) I cant deny that his face is the ugliest when warped. *laughs* I wont take back my words.

There was once when i was down,
this rascal sent me this mms saying,
" CHEER UP, I AM HIP HOP ".
There was once at his place when i said i wanted to eat
ice cream badly, he gave me a cube of ice from his hands and said its from Australia...
Why aust? Because he used the left over mineral water from Australia to freeze it. Damn, HOW NICE.
There was once when i was cash strapped,
he said, " Need me to call daniel to give u some money? "
And it took me seconds to realise daniel is my daddy.
The first time when he called me using his house phone,
he said, "Calling from the police divisions. You are suspected for having murdered so and so.... "
And just last week, he named me, " Nur jocelyn bte Danial" just because i needed some sleep and he thinks im like a babi.
( No offence to the malays , its just me he was teasing ).
Countless of times he fooled me, just like a clown.

Bottomline is : Anyone interested? SELLING FOR FREE.

- No matter how playful he is, he's still the one behind all good things-

Sunday, March 25, 20079:33 PM♥

GOODBYE MY FRIENDS, MY LOVERS.

OUR PLEDGE.

When we had nothing-better-to-do,
this is what we do...
Alright, kakaktuaians are all leaving for Bintan.
I have to give it a miss. Yet again!
no more late nights,
no more phone calls,
no more Yishun,
no more paparazzi. ;0)
no more surprise visits from them.
Im all alone now. Cos' fav weihun is also leavin' for Hong kong.
ok, i remind myself, its gon' be for four days only. I got much better things to do than to sulk. Better things like STUDYING. *frown*

Seriously,
i think Shatec management is out of their mind. I thought the government stated that the weekend is for rest? Why on earth are we having a paper on SATURDAY. Mon- Sat, exam marathon ( There isnt any break in between). OK, private school is indeed a private school.
ok, why am i here blogging in the first place.

P.s: Im happy because i finally have a decent alarm clock.
Thanks to ming guang.

Friday, March 23, 20077:44 PM♥

I lost in a game & the forfeit is to post this random pic up.

K la, not that ugly. Maybe the mouth is.

And i watched this yesterday!

If you like romantic comedies, this is a movie for you! Clever script despite a tad predictable ending, but then again all romantic endings are a tad predictable. Right? They always live happily ever after. The 80's humor drove the movie from opening to closing credits. The chemistry between Hugh grant & Drew barrymore was delivered well. Nicely acted movie that is genuinely funny at times and entertaining through out. And im more or less sure that the guys will go gaga over Haley Bennet (supporting role). I must admit that she's hot! Besides that, i realised that hugh grant & i have similar points. haha. We do not appreciate people who treat our piano like any other objects. Meaning, no scratches please. Too bad, paco has some cuts already.
Alright, all in all, its a decent movie with some catchy songs...
Now, back to the books. Going out to some void decks to study... :(

Thursday, March 22, 200712:12 AM♥

study, study and study.
i really miss paco. by the way, paco is my piano.
i really miss piano lessons.. Someone, pls tell me should i go on and pursue the diploma? When i was in grade 1, i told myself i had to make it to grade 4. When i was in grade 4, i told myself, " ok, not easy, but have to go on to grade 6". When i was in grade 6, " 2 more grades & its over. ". When i finally got my grade 8 cert, i told myself i had to go on.. my music life doesnt end here. To most of the people, having the cert is more important than anything else, but to me, the experience counts. Words cant really explain.
I would much rather play the piano than watching the days pass by...
If u were to ask me,
" Which part of u is the most important? "
I would say, " Fingers".

Wednesday, March 21, 200710:59 AM♥

Having alot of bad dreams recently. A dream catcher doesnt help, unfortunately.
OK, forget about that. Im off to BISHAN now, (auntie, finally huh) to work out my chemistry with POA ( principles of accounts ). Trust me, im not close with any of the figures, neither the terms. I didnt tell my dad i have this subject. Reason being? HE WOULD DEFINITELY ASK ME TO DO HIS ACCOUNTS FOR HIM ONE DAY. I hope that day will never come.*evil laugh* One week later, i will be over and done with this subject. Cheers!

p.s: i dont think they need humans to do all the accounts.. cos' technology is taking over. Next time (very soon maybe), just press "enter" and your balance sheets or income statements will be completed. Who will invent this? Don't ask me.

Die, im having alot of mixed feelings. Not very good.

Tuesday, March 20, 20076:05 PM♥

ok, one card yesterday, one card today.
To the one who gave me the card yesterday, thank you. Don't have to trouble to come all the way just to give a card ok. :)
To the one who gave me the card today, im confused. You gave your name "no name". its kinda mysterious to me. what did u mean by " it doesnt seem right.."
sigh. i am clueless.

tracy's chalet was enjoyable, minus the part that i had to study alittle to kill my guilt. Fancy denying that i didnt see what i shouldnt have seen. *laughs. Always, the guys break the silence by doing something out of hand. yea, we've already said, GUYS. Will i still sound nice if i say that guys only play games, play among themselves and play girls? ok, not very nice. just kidding ! :p

That aside.
People, have you ever thought of these questions?
1). What is your ultimate purpose for education?
2). Should education serve to broaden your perspective of life? (not a yes or no question ok)
3). Does education serve to overcome your weaknesses?

Spare some time to ponder.. and if your answer to question 1 is "BIG BIG money" , i dare say u're missing out alot. Of course, there is no definite answers to the above questions.

Sunday, March 18, 20075:09 PM♥

In a man's world, we do not impress...

Every boy/girl knows, practically from birth, that being "short" is nearly as bad as being a dwarf, and closely related at that. Call a man "little", and he is understood to be demeaned. The bias against short men hurts them. It does hurt me too, in a way or two. Height discrimination begins from the moment human beings become vertical. Humans are practical.

Height matters and everyone know this.
It is little wonder, then, that when people meet a famous woman they so often say, "I expected her to be taller." If you still doubt that height matters, look around. At the palaces, you will see door knockers above eye level: the better to make callers on the king (who was, in fact, decidedly short) feel, literally, lowly. Or sit across from your bosslady in her office, and see who has the higher chair. In the cinema, if you happen to sit behind a taller person, you will only find yourself frowning throughout the whole show. Once, i was waiting inside the car, at the driver's seat... and i dont know how, but i managed to freak my instructor out. He said, " from behind i see nobody in the car u know!? then suddenly u are here.." i just told him, " cos im short ma..hai."

Perhaps heightism is just a western cultural prejudice? Sadly not. Ive done my research. In Chinese surveys, young men always rate stature high among qualifications for a future mate. Indeed, the prejudice appears to be universal.
It is not hard to guess why human beings tend instinctively to defer to height. Humans evolved in an environment where size and appearances and good health, to which they are closely related mattered, especially for men.
Indeed, they still matter now.

When people look at me and try to guess my age, some will say I am 15, 14, or even 13. None of these guesses are even close.
How many times must people tell me im short to remind me that im short? Looks like shortness is a major concern for singaporeans, especially guys.
guy A, " if u were taller, i would have asked you to be my gf straight away."
guy B, " ten years later, i be back to check on you."
guy C, " too bad you are so short, if not, i would have hang out with you more often."

trust me, there are more. sometimes, i just couldnt tell if they are just kidding or not. whether they have good intentions there or not..

Can i just fess' up that i really hate being so short? As i grow older, i feel shorter. Do not tell me to do anything about it, cos' i have been doing it, but to no avail, im still the same. I always feel inferior going out with people. I feel even much shorter going crowded places.. and no taller people can fathom this.
You can tell me, " being short is ok what.. u still have your chasers.." but to me, i guess that the chasers do not have any other better choices, thats why me.

Yesterday,
dad came to me and said, " eh, go on date lar.. dont paiseh paiseh lar. 19 already this year still no bf...i wont scold you one lar...".
i answered, " papa, u always said nobody will like short girls what.."
he replied, " its because of that, u dont dare to make friends? "
i answered, " i dont dare to go out with guys better than me.. and its not easy to find guys who will appreciate my height la pa.."
he replied, " then i must intro u to my friends' son.."

i walked away.

In all my life (so far), I have been teased, ignored, and even attacked a few times because of my height. If that is not bad enough, some people even mistake me for a dwarf. Let's get one thing straight: a dwarf is a person under four feet who looks like an adult, and probably has the same weight as an adult of average height. These people probably will never grow any taller. Am i one?

However, I have often become discouraged, because with the oppression faced in the little life I have lived, its unimaginable what the rest of my life will be like. This is what a simple name calling and harassment can do to a person. Whoever said, "Sticks, stones and papers can break my bones, but words can never hurt me," were wrong. Words hurt. They sometimes hurt more than any physical pain. A punch may bruise the surface of one's skin, but words go straight to the heart.

The worst parts are yet to be told.

Plenty of short individuals like myself have been denied jobs because they are short, even if they are qualified for the job, and the company is hiring. The employer probably thinks that a person who is short is not strong enough to do a job correctly. They are not tall enough to look over the counter, not tall enough to reach the shelves, not tall enough to hang the clothes or not mature enough to handle the responsibility of a job. Give a job recruitor 2 resumes. a & b both looked alike. a & b are equally educated and experieced. BUT, a is taller. who eventually gets the job? Be serious, you dont have to crack your brain to answer this.

Im not a very shallow person, but i guess my vanity of my shortness kinda does make me. The biggest physical insecurity in me is my height. I have been living with this fear in me for 18 years and still counting..
Is there, then, no good news for short people? No: there is none.
And if, having read this far, you do not believe that height discrimination is serious, you are no doubt a tall person in the late stages of denial.

im just another short girl, trapped within the truth...

Wednesday, March 14, 20072:18 AM♥

i once asked myself in a match, the team is losing by 13 points with 1 min remaining.do i do it on my own, or i lead the entire team and win together.
i did both.

no famous basketball player said this. this guy is no superstar. just another ordinary human being..we should learn from this kinda spirit and apply to our daily lives.

i will stay strong...

Monday, March 12, 20078:31 PM♥

More often than not, one's wish or desire for peace has a tendency to be rather abstract, where most of us do not know what to do or where to begin..

To no.33,
i could find no better way to express the kind of feelin' ive been holding on. in a nicest way, ive explained to u. in the worst way, ive told u off. i do not want to communicate to u through my hp. frankly speakin', i find that too personal. ive tried to explain to u through email, through your friends, through anything.. but u just wont let me off.. THIS IS MY LAST RESORT. not trying to put you down, but i hope u understand how much i need you to be more considerate.

LAST NIGHT.
Became very exhausted and decided to turn in at 2am. like finally. not sure if this happens to everyone, but i have the habit of tossing around first before i can sleep. actually its not exactly like that, and i cant figure the exact words to explain. the bottom line is, i just cant sleep straight away. and when i finally shut my eyes, no.33's sms woke me up. ever since once-upon-a-time-day, ive already ignored him. obviously, i did not bother much about his messages. tried to slp back, but more messages came in. one after another. my hp was apparently FLOODED BY YOU. i wouldn be this angry if u could let me off. i still didnt want to entertain him, but his messages flooded me from 230 to 3am. how irritating? try this people. u are so damn tired and u want to slp, and when u finally slp, your hp rings, not once. ok,i dont have to emphasize on it. why didn i switch off my hp? trust me,i wished i could turn it off everyday. goodness sake dont allow me to. since 13, ive depended on my hp to wake me up. and this particular phone's alarm wont be activated if its off. further more, ive to keep it on, for project and emergency purposes. damn. at 245am, i wanted to throw my hp away.. i was pissed with myself as i had left with 3 hours of sleep and i was worried about my presentation which took place this morning. i then called j.l for s.o.s.

his messages were all about love. how much he loved me, loves me and is loving me now. TO YOU: ive told u many times, dont do this to me. i will never NEVER never NEVER NEVER NEVER feel the same way as u do. FOREVER. its not because i have a religion to commit to. but its just because IT IS YOU. im sorry. but so many times ive told u, cant u just understand? for this, i hope u will really let me off. . wanted to stay as friends so i was a lil nicer to you. but u took it for granted and u think i still have feelings for you. now, i guess we are better off to be strangers again. strangers whom when we pass by each other, can still smile.. other than that, i cant fulfill it. i dont wanna make another mistake. i bet u already understood those highly stressful and painful days of mine. prior to that, it was the worst time in life so far. . u knew it then, but u did nothing. u know it now, but sorry, u can do nothing either.. its too late. even if its not because of time, u will not even cross my mind now. stop thinking im doing this out of revenge. if u know me well, u know i woudnt do this. there are too many better ways for revenge. revenge aint important to me. lastly, im seeing someone else already and u dont have to know who. im sorry. i do not wish to hurt you but i have left with no choice. please please let me off. dont make me my change my number. ive did it twice because of you. it wouldnt be this bad if u know your limits.

the world today is still plagued by violence,dispute, mistrust and hatred.
& i by no means wish to contribute to this..

argh. :( super emo.

Saturday, March 10, 200710:09 AM♥

the previous entry was updated by lochness,samm.. thank you for that lil surprise. dont do that for everybody ok? *laughs
by the way, s have been really nice. from the food uve cooked, to the lil things uve done. i appreciate. kinda feelin' bad that i wasnt in sch that day.. if u're readin' this, im sorry. also, sorry to A. i truly understand your good intentions for me. but im sorry.. u went down all alone.
people, dont be nice to me.. i have no idea how to return the kindness.
that aside, i have a kind of mixed feelings. should i feel glad or bad?

the time has finally come.. i think i can no longer hold it. i have to rant it out. project project project. what's the use of having 6 people in a group while only half actually contributes? the rest, either idle or do your individual task, but without quality, below expectations. come on, how many times must i say? im tired. i do not have 6 pairs of hands. and honestly, i cannot accept those people who join our group, harbouring the thoughts that we are a strong team and thus, do nothin' but just dream. we might be a capable group but not anymore when some of u dont even put in the effort needed. its utterly disappointin'.. and i would say, im waitin' for the evaluation form. bein' a leader wasnt this difficult until i met u..on the other hand, i try to see this as a challenge, or rather, a lesson. next time, dont come tellin' me, that it would be your honour to work with me for i would only work with those i can trust. for this, i miss samm and joyce. but i would rather be in this shit alone than having u 2 in this shit with me & i mean it. i wish no one whom i love, suffer with me..

trust me. im in a state of shit now. n i feel like scoldin' vulgarities..

Tuesday, March 06, 20075:07 AM♥

LOCHNESS INVASION

people often say "i love you" to each other, but do they really
know the true meaning behind it? well here's a phrase on love.
hopefully, it'll make you even LOVE me more :DD

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no records of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres.

Love never fails.

so everyone, dont stop loving!
dont stop loving lochness :), auntie, jane, xxx (guess who?), school mates.
i dont find it stupid doing volenteer work, cos it'll make you love the patients
even more. show more concern ! and in other words, be more kpo =)
very few pple act bother to go all the way down to visit, and your one of
thefew. i dont find it stupid at all; more like admiration.
GOGO JAWS

every now and then i'll come by your blog, giving you lil surprises.
just you wait - aug 8.
ONE BIG FAT ONE FOR YOU, till then :D
love me more than i love you please !

p.s. all the best for projects sweets. then its PLAAYIME. (minus exams)
hah hah

Friday, March 02, 200712:24 AM♥

this person did a powerpoint presentation for me.. something which i have not received from anyone before. stated in one of the slides,

-Sometimes a grateful word is said
In reply to a kindness paid
But no word has any greater rank
Than a word from the heart, saying, "THANKS." -

im surprised and equally touched.

and this, is done by favourite samm. i think ive said a hundred times of "thanks" to you. Can u pls stop being so sweet.. even in msn. :)