A Nocturnal Reverie

Thursday, April 27, 200612:05 AM♥

don't wanna wake up to find that i have only a day left. can i have another month? perhaps one more year? or at least just a week will do. my teacher will be telling me,"yes u may,IF U FAIL."
havent been taking piano exams for 2 years..wasted. if not,by 16 i could have already attain a gr8. tt doesnt matter anymore..im too nervous to sleep..i dont wanna wake up n realise tt my exam is just 24 hours later..how scary.i have NO CONFIDENCE at all.im such a lousy person recently..having no confidence at all,in precisely everything.but im gon' fight this karma. cos i cant imagine failing...i will slam parco...i will slam my fingers onto parco.i will slam my exam pieces on parco..i will tear down parco if i have the power.. i will slam the piano at 11,PM,when the baby is sleeping next door,when my mum n bro is aslp upstairs. its no big deal to do that..see what i mean? things havent really happen,n im already planning what to do with my fingers n to parco.bless me....n i will teach u for free.
-omfg,its the 27th already.-

Tuesday, April 25, 20062:20 PM♥

3 more days to my london college of music & media (LCM) GR8 piano exam @ s*n*r* music sch.
preparations almost done.just a lil upset with the piano for examination i had tried on, in the studio last sat.no significant diff between forte n piano (loud n soft),thus it will be hard for me to express out the feel of my pieces. pedals producing *mouse munching on a cheese sound everytime i step on it. book stand is exactly like a wall,vertically straight. try making a thin book with no hard covers stand in front of a wall..tts not e end of the game. next,flip the pages in a quick manner..if it still stands,no prizes,but pls teach me how u did it. keys of the piano are light while keys of my piano,paco,is much heavier. if,students are allowed to use their own piano for examinations,by all means i will move it there.its impossible,im just being naive.

-HELL NOW,HEAVEN LATER-

Monday, April 24, 20069:04 PM♥

this week:
mon-piano.
tues-work for daddy,piano.
wed-piano.
thurs-piano.
fri-piano EXAM.dance at night.
sat-PLAY.
sun-work for daddy.dance.celebrate cousin's bdae.

next week:
mon-attend wedding @ church.dance rehearsal with those wushu ppl.
tue-work for daddy.
wed-PLAY
thurs-dance
fri-dance
sat-PLAY
sun-dance.

how i wish my piano exam is over...-playtime-
more dates then,i promise.

Wednesday, April 19, 200612:27 AM♥

*butterflies. its regarding my piano exams again.next week,its gon' be my turn.i swear,this kinda exams is much more scary than ur Os,ur As,ur UNIs...as all u need to do is to mind ur own business on those papers.nobody stares at u in the exam hall for no reason.but mine,u sit in front of the piano,an "angmoh" examiner sit behind u..fat hope if u think U CANT SEE HIM. as the piano is damn well polished..till u can see him through the reflections unless,miraculously,the piano is in white colour.7 times i have been in the piano exam studio. obviously,gr 1 to 7,thus the seven times.n these seven times,i could see the examiner through the reflections,something i wished i hadnt.i saw n heard em scribbling LOUDLY on my examine sheets,with their fountain pen,so class..btw,their handwrittings were those of a doctor.i saw em eyeing on my small fingers..saw their stone face.n when they spoke,i strained my ears so hard tt i thought i was becoming deaf.super slang they were.."nal,could qu please plarr me seacales on a g sharp mynorrr in a country moullltion?"(now,could u pls play me scales on g# minor in contrary motion?) seriously,i dont know how they did that.so i used more than 3 times of "sir,pardon me?" ,"im sorry".for goodness sake,its not a normal kind of slang..anyway,once i knew they came all the way from europe,board the plane,alight in spore,just to test ME,i freaked out.*counts.i freaked out 7 times,again.mum said i shud be able to handle as i had 7 similar experiences..but i wanted to tell her,"mum,its not everyday tt i see him,its once a year,some even once in 2 years"..the whole process of the exam is like living in hell..cold sweats,air conditioned,but u still have to play.BEST PART is when he opens the door for me (because studio door are irritatingly heavy for me) n i bid him goodbye,not wanting to hear him say another word,be it "GOOD" or maybe even "see u next year"..(cant get tt kind of comment for my gr 8 as it shud be my last gr.) *laughs. so for the time being,don ask me to play any ball games,i cant get my hands hurt.legs too,for pedal...lets just hope my lil short fingers co-operate with me well.aftr all,they are my most precious lil thing..

-take my place if u dare

Thursday, April 13, 20061:20 AM♥

love long journeys home...love long journeys to work...both accompanied by my i shuffle with gd musics recorded..dont mind travelling,even if im alone,tts y im in love with bus 190.as long as there's music.but 307 pissed me off today..for tt atrocious long wait which i didnt appreciate.quite upset with tibs service..i thought short dist bus comes n goes quite often.but i waited for nearly 1/2 an hour.guess this happens also to bus 99,well known in jurong,n some say in clementi.definitely something to improve on,or at least,tell us the reasons.

gr 8 practical exam soon.a big big stress n burden to me.I SWEAR I WILL BREATHE PROPERLY,EAT NICELY,DRINK CAREFULLY,WORK HAPPILY,PLAY WILDLY N SLEEP PEACEFULLY aftr this major exam.2 more weeks,minus the days i will be workg,minus those "dilly-dally" time,minus the time i eat,sleep,bath,travel,tell me how many more mins m i left with? last exam to decide if i want to go on with diploma n those sorts of things..i have to pass.my piano fees each mth,my exam fees,my time spent preciously on "PACO" (name of my piano) makes me wan to strive harder.at least a pass.cos its damn diff to get a distinction,its V.GOOD if u get a merit,n its gd enough if u pass.IF U FAIL,ITS OK,VERY NORMAL.ask ard how many ppl fail in their upper grades? gr 5 6 7 n 8..at least 8 out of 10 whom i know,failed at least once in their upper grades.so god bless my hands to grow longer so i can play more than an octave.

exam:
PERFORMANCE PIECES.
performance piece 1,sonata,by scarlatti.list A. (piano teacher said im ready.quite familiar,not bad already)
performance piece 2,sonata in d, by mozart.(piano teacher said im ready,familiar,quite gd.)
performance piece 3,herberge,the inn, by schumann(piano teacher *sighed.cords not familiar,probably u have small hands,have to change some notes..pls concentrate on this piece n u are done.)

SCALES.
similar motion.(piano teacher said,good.familiar)
contrary motion(piano teacher said ok~ not too bad)
double thirds(piano teacher said nothing cos i havent practice on this,at all.bless me!)
arpeggios of major n minor common chords,in root postion,first n second inversion.(piano teacher said,buck up,must be in a faster speed)
dominant seventh(piano teacher havent got the chance to examine,cos jocelyn hasnt done it.bad isnt it?)
diminished seventh(good)

AURAL.
not yet.wait till my combined lessons.anyway its e same every year.some singing,hearing n description required.

SIGHT READING.
can i hope for c major? i asked my piano teacher.she laughed.n said"wait long long,u're not in gr 1 my dear".btw sight reading means giving u a score which u had nv ever seen b4 in ur whole life,with sharps n flats,n less than 5 mins,u have to play it out.smoothly.............

so as u can see....im not tt ready.i didnt mean to avoid things im not done with,esp my scales,but im too afraid to even see them.phobia.but i have to.from tml onwards,i will face those notes bravely,along with paco.so frens,do remind me tt i have my GRADE 8 PIANO EXAM coming up damn soon,though its nt a big deal,i know.cos i tend to purposely forget abt it.its really gon' be real hard.not easy to make it.

*speechless

Sunday, April 09, 200611:29 PM♥

if u are brainless,u will think its REAL. But u are not smart even if u think its FAKE.

Monday, April 03, 20061:43 AM♥

today,i realised,tt im always the bad person.when im too busy to reply,im hated. when i dont call,im idiot. when i cant go out when invited,im action. when i dont reply on msn,"i might as well don even come online",im told so.when im early,im silly.when im late by a few secs,"i must go n die",i was asked to do so.when i dont write testi to u,im again,"action".when i forgot ur name,i very "tao".(in the first place im not even close to tt person).when im too busy to even talk,im mute.when i dont reply emails,im stupid.when i dont attend ur party,i act as though im a big shot.when i don call u back when u miss call,u hate me. thanks ar!

all these,i really dont appreciate.thus i really thank those who understands me,n never expect anything in return.needless to say,they know who they are.
something i want to say...i didnt intend to avoid those sms(s),calls or invitations.i have piano exams very soon,i have frens whom need me better than YOU DO (if u are one who always bad mouth abt me,callg me names i dont appreciate,at all.),i have ppl who need my help,i have work,i have to run my dad's company on certain days,i have my FAMILY.

NOW,if u wanna say im a "fucker" for creating this entry,suits u! because u are the guilty one,perhaps.i didnt mention names,did i?

nice line by kenneth.
"Problems are created by Human being, and so, Human being have the solution to the problem"

Saturday, April 01, 20066:54 PM♥

one claimed tt he was admitted to hospital. 2am. another said he loves me. 3.40am. the next one announced he is getting married n forgot to invite me. 6am. these are the news on april fools day,i didnt appreciate. gon' be 18 this year,thus this is not the first year alive on this day. further more,take a look at those time i was notified. 2am,3am,6am..these ppl really got nothing better to do. congrats. so the rest of the day,received all kinds of funny n not funny msgs. fortunately none played overboard. no one dare lar..*laughs. alrite,tonight is daddy's company dinner @ turf city. havent been there for quite some time..hopefully the food is acceptable still.bye