A Nocturnal Reverie

Thursday, December 14, 20061:42 AM♥

Step up and disagree with someone today -- other people need you to. that's my horoscope.

so came a & b and all the feelings. for certain issues, i guess i had to admit i should have been better. but it still seems weird aftr years of friendship, one come telling me how i could be better. tried to be defensive and said that lived in me. i mean, cant they see thats somehow a family gene? i wasnt sure how much they understood me. i thought to a very high degree. but most certainly, not anymore now. firstly, it was the misunderstanding, which i think it is all about humans and their mouth. i was clearly being put in anyhow, and misunderstood, of course before i was asked to clarify. maybe still misunderstood, for now. nevertheless, i thought i had explained for myself, and its all up to a if she wanna let go. it hurts to hear about something from somebody even when its not true, yes. but how much will u be hurt to hear something from sombody aftr years that there's something wrong with u, aftr such a strong friendship we've been through. again, that might be one sided... in every case, i have thought of the problem a & b found in me. all i can say is, that's me. if aftr years, u already swallowed it, then what's wrong for now.. (that's if u really see something wrong). OR did the misunderstanding trigger u off to find faults in me. not sure.
all i can think of is a & b dont really understand me after all. which is, indeed quite a sad thing. and if there's a mistake in me that should be improved right away, i thought someone mentor to me, or my parents should be the one correcting it. not only that, I STILL THINK THAT ONLY THOSE WHO SPEND MOST OF THE TIME WITH ME HAVE THE RIGHTS TO DO SO.tell me,how long we havent been seeing one another? or maybe to u, once in a FEW MONTHS is referred to many times? aftr all, i realised, if a & B dont seem to fathom me, then where the hell can they know my inside-out? and if those faults they saw in me happened years ago, THEN DOES IT MEAN THAT EVERYTHING IN THE PAST WAS FOR SHOW? the friendship i mean.

many doubts, just let it go.
contradictions i see.
a denial, it obviously is.
if u like me, love me.
if u dont, then leave me alone.

frienships dont just come and go as and when u like. there should be a mutual respect and fundamental understanding. if misunderstandings cant be understood, is there still a point? and if there's no TRUST, then whats called friends. so now, should we have expectations towards friendships, just like those we want for relationships? maybe. so, for mine, back to square one, its the thing called, "UNDERSTANDING".

AGAIN,thanks for those who have been here. thanks jane for that small lil part in ur blog for me.. thanks terence, u cared. samm, u understood. joyce, u read and u speaks at the right time. thanks alot. i miss sch, becos i miss u, auntie. weihun, u never go. thumbdrive, ur concern for me, i kept in my mind. aaron, jialun, m.g, u guys made my day. mr leo, ure the greatest of all. tri, if only u were here. steph, for the support and strong words. i believe in u.

the above mentioned case ends today. nobody should probe into this matter anymore.
and its pointless to ask me who am i referring to. cos it doesnt happen to YOU.
unless, u really care.