A Nocturnal Reverie

Sunday, December 31, 20065:37 AM♥

this is entirely for jane. girl, never say u didnt cherish it. nothing is too late.

i looked upon your entry at 3:42am and i became all awake. it isnt so because of what uve said. but i failed to keep u living in it. from young, we took part in most of the events. from "boys and girls" to future division activites, to YCF. sometimes, i wondered, if things were smooth for us durin' ycf, will u stay the same?

girl, i know the meanin' when u said,
"sometimes i really depend on it, sometimes i really heck care, sometimes i believe in it".
the time when u depended on it is the time when u feel troubled.
the time when u really heck care is the time when nothing is so wrong, while nothing is so right either. when everything seems to be uphill..
the time when u believe in it is the time when your prayers were answered or uve seen it happened. when the miracles were shown.n when u saw the magic.

well, u were never wrong to think this way. its practical.
nevertheless, u might want to know the true meanin' about kosen rufu and e gohonzon.
kosen rufu is to lead others to happiness by sharin' and teachin' or in any means, tell the others abt the mystic law, nmhrgk. while, the gohonzon is like a mirror with which we do human revolution when chantin' in front of it. so why-the-heck am i tellin' u these?

reflect on how ecstatic u became when your customers sent praises towards your f&b services, think of how excited u were when u see your customers smiled and how comforted u were when u learnt that i really loved your christmas gift and all the efforts. resemblin' that, im confident that u will be happy when u bring/see others on the right path, firstly by havin' the faith in yourself, and then sharin' with others, leadin' them towards happiness..

and did your mum ever asked u to kneel down in front of the gohonzon when u did somethin' wrong, even if it was just all about stealin' a lil cookie in the jar in the middle of e night?
my mum once told douglas to be on his knees in front of the gohonzon when he once skipped his tuition class. couldnt comprehend why, i asked her, "mum, what has that got to do with kneeling down in front the the gohonzon? "
she said, " it is a mirror. while chantin' in front it, u are doin' human revolution, where all that u have done, be it right or wrong will be reminded of. the rights remain and improved while the wrongs be eliminated. douglas got to reflect and to become a better person".

so darlin', sometimes u dont have to chant only when u need that somethin'. chant for the continous improvement, for the good deeds u have done, to reflect on all your wrong doings, for the happiness of all the people around u, also, peace in the world.u may start to ask, why pray for world peace when certain countries still at war? let me tell u this..we have to chant to FIND INNER PEACE WITHIN OURSELVES FIRST. everythin' starts from individual potential and world peace equalise to human revolution. we have more than 12 million people chanting everyday, so why cant it happen? to add on, all the good things wont come to an end if u participate in gakkai activities. you will definitely achieve a breakthrough. take me as a very good example.

i backslided in faith when i joined hks. i became another person. failed o levels, acted like a nomad (this maybe u didnt know) and went around telling people boastfully " HEY THERE, I AM A FREE-THINKER. NO RELIGION! ". so yes, in returned, i became worst and got all the shits. everything went trudgin' down. everything went so wrong. u can see/hear me cryin' everywhere, every fortnight, maybe everyday. even at public..but hey, things became better after i joined chingay.i didnt wait for the benefits. they just came naturally.. i got better wages compared to my friends, i got recognised by my seniors at work, i got the respect from people, got headhunted by other big bosses around, got my grade 8 cert on first attempt when i honestly sucked at the exam hall,while the rest failed and some still tryin' hard now..then,i got a better cert for o levels, got into shatec though i had poly(s) to go to ( i chanted for a direction), based on my interests and my ambitions. And now, im doing better than i have expected.

about my family.. u know about the incident just few years ago.. less than a month, everything became back to normal. then look at my elder bro. he joined the vanguards of ssa. he's so much better now in person, and in his factors of life. so much that, his n.s is going on well, so much that he will bid us goodbye for his degree in aerospace in america next year..(when he had only an IT diploma cert taken in spore).

right now, i still do face misfortunes, but im proud to say that i have a clearer wisdom to solve them.. im therefore much happier now. as u can see.. everthing is right in front of u. u have a gohonzon at home.. open your bedroom door, then face right. OR walk out from your study room and turn left. there it is. keep in mind those who wants to chant so much, but they cant afford one, or they have disagreements/disputes within their families.. (one chant,the other dont) .So, arent we fortuante babe? im not doing this for shakubuku. im here for u because i know u wont give up. as ive said, together, we've come so far. look at how our families are.we are fortune babies.. we came to know nmhrgk before we learnt how to walk. but seriously, just believin' in it is not sufficient. u have to live in it.u have to keep that faith. only then can u see it.. as long as u simply have faith, u will get there. no matter what happen, you wont feel any fear or regret. and i hope that by chantin' sonorously and with confident faith, you will bravely win for yourself a life of happiness.. faith is what makes this possible. 2007 is here. with hope and courage, let us together create a new breakthrough in our advance in the months ahead..! ;)

my love, we've grown up together. 18 years and still countin'. as much as im havin' e good, i wanna share em with u too.. i want u to be as happy as i am. u see me grow, come follow my footsteps.. we'll grow together once more. remember, hope cost nothing; it is free. yet, it is life's most valuable treasure.

here i share with you and the rest here, THE ABUNDANCE OF LIFE by Daisaku Ikeda (1974) :

today i rededicate my life to kosen rufu.
to be strong so that nothing can upset the peace of mind.
to talk health, happiness and hope to every person i meet,
to make friend and feel that there is something good and beautiful in them.
to look at the sunny side of everything and to be optimistic about them
to think of only the best, work towards doing and expecting only the best.
to be just as happy about the success of others as i am about my own.
to forget mistakes of the past and to press forward to greater achievements in the future.
to give so much time to improve myself, that i have no time to criticise others.
to be too strong for fear, too kind for anger and too happy for worry.
to lift my heart in faith each day so that gohonzon may show forth in my life.

i'm not stayin' up till 5:36 am for nothin'. just for u girl, im doin' this.

Saturday, December 30, 200611:30 AM♥

it is strange and incomprehensible some people are livin' w/o purpose.
alright, i was out alone last night and i just thought of that.

by this time, i should already be on the highways to malacca.. but i didnt get to go. many many reasons but i dont know where to start. probably pained by the happenings.

unable to go meaning :

i wont get to see my new house at KL.
i wont get to see sister veron and family.
i wont get to taste the best world's tom yam there.
i wont get to taste the best "penang" laksa in msia.
i wont get to hug my family when 2007 is here.
i wont get to be with em' like every year.
slept kinda late last night like every night..its pathetic to say that i needed the music to knock me off. knowin' that my brothers and parents will be leavin' at 5 am, i passed out of their sight and existence so that i wont get to bid them off. darlin' lil bro texted me sayin' " sister, happy new year first. " oh man, i felt sour. then, the kakaktuas called. thank you darlings. i feel so much better knowin' somewhere there, im alwys remembered.
people, im home alone once more!
yesterday, i watched confession of pain with thomas and douglas. the show was just fine. i wouldnt say i love the show just because takeshi, tony leung and shu qi are starrin' in it. the suspense got me seated upright and certain scenes did touched me. u will understand for sure if u ever loved. be it for a member of family or a special someone.
today,fri rendevous on a saturday. wonder how is it gon' be like.

Friday, December 29, 200610:11 PM♥

blog song playing: grown up christmas list ( by michael buble.)

[Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies
Well, I'm all grown-up now
Can you still help somehow?
I'm not a child, but my heart still can dream
So here's my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas list
Not for myself, but for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
Every man would have a friend
That right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?
Maybe only in that blind belief can we ever find the truth

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal our hearts
Every man would have a friend
That right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list
This is my only lifelong wish
This is my grown-up Christmas list]

yea, i know its too late for christmas. but let that be for new year. change all christmas words to new year instead. i love the background melody..

my new year resolutions:
No more lives torn apart ,That wars would never start ,And time would heal our hearts. Every man would have a friend,That right would always win ,And love would never end.

4:00 PM♥

in lifetime after lifetime, can i be heard?
for all my lack of pretension, can i finally say " i seriously longed to be comforted".
i wondered, what was in the heart of others...
out of a sudden, A SUDDEN, i feel so all alone. god of protection, can u somehow help?
so if life is an art to be learned, then can one learn to understand another?
are my convictions wavered? i mean, how long can i stay this way.

as much as i want to put the blame in you, i told myself not to.
stil hysterical, im thinkin' about our past. the past of the no-good.
ive given u some years of my past, but i chose to give up half way.
still endowed with no wrongs, u come askin' me why.
sometimes i really want to buy back the time and tell u why.
i would tell u every minute of my past was a struggle and u didnt do anything much.
ive kept so quiet, and u simply strayed to the other side.
its because of u, im holdin' on.. not to your life, but that mistake i made to have entered your life.
if u still want to ask me why, then ask yourself first why....
and if i were to ask u what i really love to listen to, where do i want to go, whats my ambitions..
will u be able to tell? did u ever bother? were u interested?
ive moved away farther from u..
ive changed my number thrice because of u..
ive created a new blog..
now, a password..
but nothing seems to change. your questions of why..
give me a new life, and stop askin' me why.
just let it go will you...
im all so tied up...

that is why, rain or shine, the smile on mine is alwys blind..
no experiences in life are exactly the same, but we still live under this system of life....
where none can be understood or maybe, not yet.

2:02 PM♥

this trip will not be possible without :

habibi
CTC
gulf air
also missing every of my tourmates.. also tiger. love egyptian's music and dance.. dont comprehend why everybody else loathes it. 10 years later, see you egypt!

1:28 PM♥

i thought these incidents were interestin' ...
but before you get the hang of it, be clear that we were told to bargain 70 percent off each item at ANY PLACE IN EGYPT except the airport. so if the price is 100 usd, get it only if its lesser or equal to 30 usd.

case 1:
mum wanted to get the pyramids as souvenirs. so she wanted 4 usd but man said " no, no, no, last price, 5!". we insisted 4. he then gritted his teeth then told us, " your bus is waiting. go back." (no manners). after which, he turned away and headed back to his shop. so, we walked away.. tryin' to show some disappointments.. few seconds later, he came out and shouted " hey! ok la! come back! okok! ok!!!!!!!! 4! 4!". feelin' proud,we walked back SLOOOOWLY.

conclusion: he was just actin'. but he didnt know singaporeans are better at buyin'. we won.

case 2:
man said 60 usd. for a small cup. we cant deny that the cup is special.. we just wanted it. so as usual, we bargained. we were straightforward and we insisted on 5 usd. this time round, he said " go back ! go back! your cruise is waitin' ! (when obviously he knows that the cruise will not sail that night) " we just dont like to hear that so, we walked away. this time with real disappointments as that man was really aggressive and the price CONFIRM MEANS CONFIRM OK?

after...

5 steps - man said " 55 usd! last price!"
(we didnt bother.)

15 steps - man said " 45! 45! 45!"
( i turned back and shouted " 5 means 5!)

25 steps - man said " 30! no more!"
( i turned back and shouted louder " 5 means 5!" then uttered to myself " ahpek, dont understand ar?".)

45 steps - man said " okok! can! 20 ! 20 is GOOD!"
(i turned back and shouted even louder as we were really far away.... " LAST PRICE! FIVE!!!!!!!!". )
mum scolded me. she told me to give up...

60 steps - man said " ok lar habibi! five! COOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEE BAAAAAAAACCCCCCCK".
WE WENT BACK!
it was tirin'. i had to turn my head back to check on him.. and it was really far away then.

conclusion: for a small cup, i did something like the above. from 60 usd to 5 usd. incredible..

case 3:
man said " I GIVE YOU MONEY, YOU COME TO MY SHOP!" (his hands with lots of cash)

conclusion: dont even bother to turn back. unless u're thinkin' to rob him.

aside from this 3 cases.. i fathomed that all they wanted was money.

they take a picture with u, u have to pay them.
u take their horse carriage, they tell you that their horse is pregnant and u have to tip them. (when obviously, it is a male horse)
u take another horse carriage, the guy says the same thing. i asked, " your city, all the horse pregnant hor?!" ( cant they use another method)
they help you cross the busy road and u think "wow, egyptians are kind.." -not until their hands beg for money.-
you say "hi" to the children, they say "hi" , followed by " can u give me money? money money!".

7:00 AM♥

im done with the pics.. its tirin'. its nothin' difficult to read. but it takes so much time to upload.. well, enjoy the pics.. so many stories to tell but so lil time..

6:30 AM♥

karnak temple.

colossi of memmon -the 2 gigantic statues of the pharaoh seated on his throne.

hot air balloons.

party night. nubian wear.

temple of horus.

abu simbel.

key of life - meaning eternity.

nubian beds.
spices.

football!
overview of nubian village.

douglas being punished.

nubian village.

singin' for an earnin'.

felucca.

temple of philae.

mum amazed by the art.

they loved lala.spot me if u can.