A Nocturnal Reverie

Saturday, September 30, 20061:28 AM♥

unwind myself.
was on cloud nine when we were successful in surprising maternal side grandma with our sudden visit. needless to say,the latter was elated as well. blame us,the greatest bunch of cousins. i simply cant get enough of them. along with auntie susan,we managed to catch the jackie chan's movie. i forgot what the show title is. apologies. another more to a comedy show i feel.. i cant deny,i had a gd time laughing n tiring my jaws. catch it if u love babies..

however,as much as i want to feel light,it was the other way round. many many thoughts were flashing across my mind. told terence, "the most talkative n cheerful person alwys tend to be the most saddest of all." proven by me. often talk to keep myself busy,have to be cheerful to be an example for others. but never will anyone apprehend,that beneath this strong pillar lies all the grieves...till i aint sure what "HAPPY" means to me anymore.

hey,hey,but im fine, I'LL SURVIVE.
& i miss my uncle. very very much.

Thursday, September 28, 200611:43 PM♥

this entry is dedicated for samm chu! ;)

i wrote:
tired of making decisions.
tired of believing in lies.
tired of those unbelievable naked truths.
tired of some people,MAYBE YOU.
tired of winning.tired of losing.
tired of everything.
and if I were to picture my life,
it'd be nothing but the ruins of my failure ..
& the tears of my days ..
that used to fall every where ..
Every single breathe ..
has been like waves of sadness.
I had to bow a lot ..
before I could stand on my feet ..
however, still have no shadow ..

She wrote:
when your tired of making decisions,
id guide you along.
when your tired of believing in lies,
id tell you to trust me
when your tired of those unbelievable naked truths
i'd tell you my honest truth.
when your tired of some people,
i'd be there for you
when your tired of winning,
i'd win for you :DD
when your tired of losing,
i'd help you to win back
if your tired of everything,
my shoulders are always here for you without doubt.
and if i were to paint a picture of you,
i would paint a picture of an iron bar,
representing your ongoing fighting spirit.
perhaps you may see yourself as a failure,
but definately not in my eyes because i know you've helped dozens of friends and youve been there for them.
and last of all, when i see you,
i think of the words hope, laughter, trust and security.

upon reading it,i cried.(third time) she often make me tear.. still able to recall,the first day in sch,when i saw her,i knew,there was something common abt us,and something good in her. however,she was distant from me as i had my own clique.one day,she managed to make my day,by giving me a lil surprise gift. a garfield badge with my initial,"J".TIES between us became closer each day.. then,my uncle passed away,it was pouring,and i was rushing to his wake.. she found an umbrella for me,and hugged me... i cried. (first time)
when i was rushing my project,she texted me "even as you sit in front of e com,rushing to finish up e last part of presentation,i just want you to know tt i know how you feel perfectly. you may stay up all night,even till 3am perhaps,but even so im here to give you encouragement :) all e way jaws. though its hard,you must at least catch a few hrs of sleep. much love,huggs,". and then when things went really wrong for my group on my presentation day,she saw it on my face... gave me a hug again before she left. tears rolled down again.. (second time)

so i wish to conclude tt,her hugs are spells. they make one tear.
i just want to say,she's behind the real meaning of friendship and love. and if one day,i have to die for friendship,i'll gladly die for her. never can she be compared with any other. she was there whenever i need someone. hear my complaints and old lady stories... but she never yawns or say "STOP!". i alwys love monopolizing in front of her,but she just listens. she respect my fears and eat up those greens i detest, without comments. most of the times,we think alike. we need not say much,but she knows-i know. i declare,she's my partner in legal and illegal. my eating partner and my drama reporter. "i love you" this 3 words is very sensitive and important to me. i think one have to build up courage to say that. so heres for u samm," i love you".

i know, u will go.."awwww...".
p.s: thanks for the mooncake. and,turn weak once for my turn to hug u pls?

love relationships make one tear,but the existence of friends is for drying the tears.

Wednesday, September 27, 200611:36 PM♥

elected as a class rep. great or not? question me not.
im alwys stucked with this kinda post in every sch.
phpps,monitress for almost every year.
hkss,twice or once i forgot. steph,maybe u can recall.
erm,why ar? but anyways,thanks to joyce who voted,thanks to those who seconds it and thanks to those who were satisfied with it. i wouldnt see it as a sabotage,but a kind of respect ive gained.
still,"thank you" to charwin for u-know-what. didnt expect u to be the one.
and samm,charwin said," joce. nv expect to walk out from shatec with 47 people.." thus,i want to
tell u,im going out of this sch with YOU. then,we will visit charwin at the blue mountains. deal?

to this person:

u came to me,
when u need me.
u bow to me,
to favour me.
u cried on your knees,
just for some to see.
when uve got what u wanted.
u fuck care me.
along with ur clique,
u went to the attic,
happily gossipped,
and showed ur lips.
just as u may think that,
nobody will know that,
everybody have knew that.
so too bad,
u are real bad.
ive wronged myself.
u betrayed my trust.
so adios sucker,
u are a fucker.

this was purely created for u,
the biggest fool.
this is neither a joke,
nor april fool.

sucker,
what goes around,comes around.
once is enough,twice is more than enough.

12:38 AM♥

if a picture speaks a thousand words...

SOME LAUGHTERS FOR ME PLEASE?
SAD IS WHAT I AM TODAY.
SOMEBODY,FLY ME AWAY...

im uncertain of what EXACTLY im tired with.
im confident im just tired.
tired of pleasing everyone,
especially those who cant seemed to get pleased. ala,fuck off.
tired of lecturers establishing rules. dont they know that RULES WERE MEANT TO BE BROKEN SINCE ADAM & EVE'S PERIOD?
tired of making decisions.
tired of believing in lies.
tired of those unbelievable naked truths.
tired of some people,MAYBE YOU.
tired of winning.
tired of losing.
tired of everything.
and if I were to picture my life,
it'd be nothing but the ruins of my failure ..
& the tears of my days ..
that used to fall every where ..
Every single breathe ..
has been like waves of sadness.
I had to bow a lot ..
before I could stand on my feet ..
however, still have no shadow ..

now,tired of you not being able to comprehend what im saying.
all u all are clear is,im SHORT. bingo.

Monday, September 25, 20068:05 PM♥

one "sway" day in vietnam..

lil girl (pointing at the water wheel) : eh this is interesting leh!
lil girl : u all go challenge leh! whoever manage to turn the wheel the most rounds win!

thomas went. pushed hard. wheel turned almost half a round.
samm went.pushed hard. wheel turned not even half a round.

from here,u can already tell how difficult it was.

lil girl deliberated a moment and went : okok! my turn my turn!
(in her heart,she said," I SURE WIN!")

samm shouted across : hey _ _ _ _! VERY SLIPPERY AR! BE CAREFUL!
thomas added on : YA! REALLY SLIPPERY HOR! I ALMOST SLIPPED.

lil girl thought they wasnt serious.
turned the wheel with ALL HER STRENGTH AND MIGHT WITH THE THOUGHT OF "SURE WIN AR!".

then.........."SPLASH!~~~~~"

lil girl a.k.a jocelyn ng.
si bei sway,i swear.
wheel turned me down instead.
hit the bridge and then into the water.
eugene said i actually went up with the wheel...................

starts s.o.s

all trying hard to pull me up.

let go. and told thomas: eh wait ar,my leg pain.later then u save me.
water too cold.leg cramped. damn painful and DIRTY. fishes tickling butt and toes. damn.

after final rescue.
tired already. not drowned. started laughing. how could this happen to me...?
manymanymany blueblacks i had. one still exist. fortunately,i had my gold award swimming cert.if not,might not be here!

OK,i finally have the courage to blog abt this damn-sway experience.dedicated to all the happy people who went with me. LAUGH MORE!

Sunday, September 24, 20064:14 PM♥

last day of the weekends and the short break. friends from shatec yell "argh!!!!!!!!!!". but hey,get in mind,before u know it,the year will come to an end. ;) hold on.

its a bliss to have met up with lots of great people during the 2 weeks.

met up with:
brown,azmi and 2 fresh faces.
the whole bunch of cousins! happy family.
weihun
aaron and jialun
done things i dont normally have the time to:
babysit
movies
stay out late,wake up late.
travelling
still,had many regrets not having to see:
shimin
sandra
120 ppl (esp pc n rui)
adelina
the list goes on....
now,looking forward to the kind of results i be getting,just cant wait to see how gd will the gd be,and how bad will the bad be,example; hsekeepg, econs. but for sure,aint looking forward to the many many dramas out of the 47 pple in class. entertaining,SICK as well.
gd news! fellow ex- classmate & chingay mate, yuhong and ming guang respectively have attained their driving license! first attempt as well.proud of them,proud of dad. next to go is JIALUN. (dont let kakaktuaians down). and oh! liverpool won. 3-0. not surprising.. the surprising thing was,man u had a drew with reading. lousy game. man u players wanted to earn so much possessions not knowing how many important attacks they had lost. messy positions. ( sorry man u fans,too bad glenn! ;p)
sam,thom,joy,remember,next sat! see u all tml.

Thursday, September 21, 20064:47 PM♥

let me get emo once in a while.
i hope im not in deep shit.

well,got to chat with mr.aussie,kev.i asked him,"possible to get married despite difference in races and religions?"

We become the maker of our fate when we stop being the prophet. says:
ya
We become the maker of our fate when we stop being the prophet. says:
marriage with chicken happened before
We become the maker of our fate when we stop being the prophet. says:
why races and religion cannot

oh well,interesting answer.*clap*

J A W S says:
possible if parents dont like the other party race
We become the maker of our fate when we stop being the prophet. says:
oh
We become the maker of our fate when we stop being the prophet. says:
then abit troublesome lo
J A W S says:
ya
J A W S says:
so ......

We become the maker of our fate when we stop being the prophet. says:
sheesh
We become the maker of our fate when we stop being the prophet. says:
so is he a malay?
We become the maker of our fate when we stop being the prophet. says:
or indian le
We become the maker of our fate when we stop being the prophet. says:
omg.. u brought a vietnamese guy home?
We become the maker of our fate when we stop being the prophet. says:
i gtg
We become the maker of our fate when we stop being the prophet. says:
sorry

mr kev. getting more like russell peter? hmpf!

erm,i just thought of that question. if i were the jocelyn all knew frm 02-05,i would probably have the ans to myself. and the ans would be" i dont bother abt race and religion,rship can be maintained".THEN- fell in love with a malay guy and dare say that the life we've been through will nv be experienced by all. the story cannot be written down by words,neither can it be told just-like-that.told many; rship can be maintained despite diffs in races n religions,mine didnt.i have my very own religion now. as some may know,things didnt turned out the way we all wanted,365 days a year of raining season,360 days on rocks. how was i going to feel blessed?

2002-2005 a.k.a the great depression.

one year later. NOW-still in contact,he wished to be with me still,but something,or in fact alot of things, held me back. it was the past. he wasnt confident in himself,yet he still wanted to keep me. and to think of it,he easily allowed another party to get into us,till i was called "the third party". her vs me vying for him? wrong. i chose not to believe any sides,took my own stand n ended the drama. so now,if "u" are reading,give me up if u know u cant make me happy. leave me alone if u want the sunny season....is it really possible for a malay and a chinese? think abt this. till thens,when u guys are truly confident in urself n in us. if not,NEVER PLAY WITH A GIRL'S HEART. we aint dolls u know?!

drama? well,its just another short story told by a lil strong girl who had been through that lot.like it or leave this place.

Wednesday, September 20, 200612:22 AM♥

here's something funny which might not be funny,at all.

old aged student: eh girl ar,u is your father DOCTOR ar? face sime sime ar!
me:(wanted to say" AH BO DEN!?) swallowed hard and answered politely," yes,he is my dad".
old aged student: no wender ar! face sime sime ar! *nodds *nodds
my dad: (chap in) of course my daughter lar! come out from my FACTORY WHAT...i got 2 more same same product ar. but boys.

p.s: they were having this super loud conversation in front of all the driving theory students.

<@#$%'>~!@#$%^&*()_+{}":?><@#$%!!!!!!????????

wondered with intense regularity,were they joking or what!?

"we are sin-ga-pore,sin-ga-po-re-ans."

Monday, September 18, 20064:40 PM♥

how was vietnam?
very good i can say. the place and their kind of life played the biggest part...
everything is just TOO different from singapore. picture the 1970s of singapore,& u will find urself being able to see vietnam. before the pictures,let me give a conclusion of how i would describe vietnam.

motorcars with accident rates high. (i could see "buang" cases everyday,or ppl almost buang) not a very nice thing to see..
beggars and beggars hanging ard as a whole family.
the type of weather some almost cannot take it. over 30degrees everyday.
impolite salesgirls
super polite salesgirls
hospitals everywhere. (alwys flooded with ppl)
zebra crossing lines which shudnt be drawn at all. (pedestrains had no rights at all)
traditional clothings and traditional food. (black coffee and fresh milk)
coffee shop
miss saigon and mr ho chi minh tri. *oops

MY overview:

Once romantically referred to by the French as the Pearl of the Orient, Ho Chi Minh City is still called Saigon by almost everyone who lives there.It has more of a cosmopolitan feel than Hanoi,as compared to the pictures my bro had taken. and only in ho chi minh city can u see teeming markets, tropical fruits, king cobras, barbecued dogs, and a hundred other such items for sale.Sidewalks are crammed with noodle stands, cafEs, and vendors selling fresh glasses of beer or black coffee; roads are often gridlocked with motorbikes, scooters, bicycles, cyclos (pedicabs), buses, and a few cars (for now). All kinds of people travel by bicycle or motorbike: women in traditional ao dais, long gloves, and conical hats; different kinds of masks and whole families -- mother, father, and two children -- all squeezed onto one seat,just like as mentioned before,one whole family begging for money. united in a way of their own i guess...Combined with this vivacious street life,world's famous vietnam war stories,and their traffic congestions at all times, the city cannot be forgotten. BUT, it is their people even more than the city that i will remember most.

4:39 PM♥

now,proudly present to u all,

their local "KING",MR MINH TRI! he is my classmate in shatec n had been a a very efficient guide in vietnam. the trip will not be made possible without him and his friend,peter. judging by their charisma and the way they dress up, pple could tell esaily that they are the upper class pple. further more,minh tri's mum owns a surname,LEE. hmm,chinese vietnamese is as rich as the indonesian chinese. *clap hands. despite the respect they gain in their country, peter and minh tri are very humble men. they do not show off at all. im just so proud of them..and appreciated all the time they sacrificed to guide us there. THEY GAVE US THE BEST. I LOVE THEM!

MINH TRI,ME,SAM

MINH TRI,ME,AMY.

4:32 PM♥

mekong delta

MY F.R.I.E.N.D.S

church boat.

4:32 PM♥

some pictures of the cao dai/great temple.
Cao Dai is an attempt to create a perfect synthesis of world religions. i was amazed by this religion.It is a combination of Christianity, Buddhism , Islam, Confucianism, Hinduism, Geniism, and Taoism . 80 years old.

countryside. coffins everywhere.

after sch congestion.

3:30 PM♥

OPERA HOUSE

post office built by the french.

PHONE BOOTH

notre dame catholic church

2:50 PM♥

1:39 PM♥

CU CHI TUNNEL

they said the americans cant get in. thats what the tunnels were for.

Tuesday, September 12, 20063:47 PM♥

skating was okok. im glad that i can walk. come to think of it, WALKING IS SO MUCH EASIER. :) akeelah and the bee show wasnt bad. 3/5.

A thought:
a guy cant be petty. its not because u are brought up in the way where papa n mama says" boy boy cannot cry, boys cant be petty.." its because if u are petty, u will be despised by 90% of the girls. im not overgeneralizing, u can try.

be back later. gon' pack my bag and then its PARTY over at......
yum seng!

Monday, September 11, 200612:03 PM♥

hmm,firstly,congrats to aaron! this fellow here had attained his driving license upon first attempt! under my daddy's company of course. if not,i wudnt be bragging here.. so,dont forget ur promise aaron! im as happy as you. proud of u!

btw,did i mention that i have 2 weeks of holiday? CHEERS! first day today,and im off to the skating ring. (p.s: i dont know how). nevermind, i assume its more fun learning. then....wed,i will be flying to vietnam with some classmates on the budget airline. oh dear, dont know how budget is that... heard that we need to "cheong" for seats. anyway,will be there for 5 days! how nice... cant wait.

im off for now! with sam n joyce. :) "the CLICK".

Sunday, September 10, 20069:55 PM♥

hopefully,its gon be a perfect holiday. wake me up when september ends.
have been surviving "home alone" for 9 days. family went to vietnam and then hong kong,travelling as though theres no tml. well, they enjoyed. reason being not able to go was obvious enough. i had my papers. the papers were..tougher than the tests. its all over now. *phew. had quality time at the esplanade with mel,xx,glenn,mark,roy and kian last fri. till the sun rose up.. fun and memorable.

anyway,to that somebody who might not think that u are the somebody. a chinese.
i do not wish to be pestered by u anymore. u're making me scared. very scared. i wont be with you no matter what. dont stalk me,dont contact me,dont tell me silly n crazy stuffs. i dont know how to tell u, but, its IMPOSSIBLE BETWEEN US. apologies. so dont treat me exceptionally diff from others. dont need to be crazy. cos if i liked u, i wud have shown. be wise.

a small joke. here it goes.
my mum is still arguing that it is "MICKEY MOUSE AND MICKEY". not knowing that the truth is " MICKEY AND MINNIE". then she asked. is minnie the mouse?
haiyo.