A Nocturnal Reverie

Wednesday, May 17, 20061:04 AM♥

feeling fuckingly down. im so sorry that i have to again,use that f word. -no thanks to that kpoh auntie at driving theory classroom..(classroom where my dad hold his lessons,my another house). no fucking idea why cant she mind her own business. i really hate to always discuss demerits of a thing or person..but these ppl wont spare me off a fuckingly tired day. i worked 11-6pm aftr which i took a train down to chi garden,n walked back my other home..u can say tt workg at my kind of place aint tiring at all..y not try? try standing for 6 hours. further more the energy i had lost for the past few days arent replenished yet. thus,the tiredness.
damn. after reachg my "old house" (a term for tt classroom,the house i used to stay alone,with frens,with family.),i saw tt kpoh auntie. i was like,(shits,i hate tues bcos of her)..then i gave a smile. *crossing my fingers,hoping tt she wont say a thing today,abt anything.* ..................immediately aftr tt smile,she cried," aiyo,i will stirke 4d tml lo! daniel! ur daughter just smiled to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she always had the black face!!!!!!!!"
"F.U.C.K".
i headed into the kitchen....waiting for my thai student...dad amazingly had some free time too..so he took a cloth n cleaned the bar counter..tt kpo auntie commented loudly in front of all the students," u see la, u pampered ur daughter! she only noe how to sit thereeeeeeeeee...see u clean also donno how to help?! gone case.your daughter really not at help.very jialat" (of cos,not in eng. in hokkien).
another "F.U.C.K." how could she say tt in front of me? in front of everyone,n to my dad.
i was pissed,not because she complained abt me,but because she embarrassed my dad. she said it as though my dad really pampered me..well,my dad didnt even defend himself. he said shyly," ya lo,yi bo yong eh la..." (in hokkien,meaning ya lo,she's useless one lar..)

i wanted to say to her:
AUNTIE!! your paper on the table is i put one! the pencils u using is i sharp one!!!!!!!!!!! your book is i file one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!the chair u are sitting on is i carry out one!!!!!!! the toilet u use to shit n pee is i CLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN one. still USSSSSSSSSEEEEEEELLLLLLLEEEEEEEESSSSS!? wen parents oversea who set up the class for u all!!!!!!??? want to visit my 4 storey house?!!!!!!! n u will know whooooooo cleans it apart frm my mum. pampered? ask my parents how much money i take from them!!!!!!! how many worries i had just to take off days at work to be with them!otherwise, mind ur own business old lady.

but hell,something in my mouth pulled my words back. i turned back to the kitchen. tears coming down..tears of anger btw. i didnt wan to disrespect a senior. so i didnt at all.

FUCK,she come here to study or to always complain abt me? once,i thought she was jealous abt me....cos i hav such a succesful family,a loving parents. or maybe she doesnt hav a daugher..sorry to say this. maybe she admire my parents' wealth n health. damn her to the core.
i was hurt when dad said i was useless..so when everyone left at 945pm,i asked dad,if im really not at help,really useless...dad said," ya lo,sometimes useful sometimes not useful." i asked,(holding my tears back)," really? then wad am i here for............................." n we had a quarrel.

i walked out.
under the block of old house,a dog came near me,looking as thou it will bite or lick anytime..as everyone shud know,im fuckingly afraid of dogs n cats, i raised my umbrella up,trying to show tt i will hit it. i cannot belive it....i was so near to a dog,i didnt RUN,didnt FREAK. anger really overtook fear.

when i reached home,i threw myself to the bed n cried. like a silly 3 yr old girl who had lost her way......

if only tt kpoh auntie can stop complaining abt me,every week..if only i knew how much more useful can i be to my dad..if only what my dad said was a joke..

-dinner skipped-